apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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