Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They took my balls.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
