All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
