There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
