I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize