I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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