What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
