wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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