I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
