I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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