I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my poor anus
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
