billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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