You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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