Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
