...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my poor anus
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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