You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize