I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's blow job season.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
