wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
