If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
