If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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