Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
