I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
