Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
