Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
