Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
