Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
