after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Terrible idea I love it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize