god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
