I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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