Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
