I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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