last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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