Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
