but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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