when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
