I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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