At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
