I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize