we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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