Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
