He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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