Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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