why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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