I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize