Nicole vs. Life
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
