went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dick very happy bro
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
