her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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