Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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