we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
