i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
