I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
