I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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