P.S. I can't hear my feet
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
