I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
