Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
