i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
