Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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