Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
