You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
