Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
soo... how was my night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
