Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
