I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
