I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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