You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
