As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
