I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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