just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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