Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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