I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
