I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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