He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
